How the turntables.

Do you ever think that copywriting has become too self-aware for its own good? It's like we collectively decided to drop the corporate facade of prestige in favor of the "wink wink we're fun too!" brand of language. From websites to ads to the back of shipping trucks, it feels like every company's identity has become a collection of short statements vaguely related to their industry, in pun form, devoid of any actual attempt at humor. It's akin to a child trying to formulate a joke: clearly understanding the structure and the components of comedy, yet missing what makes it funny. I'm not saying this is necessarily a good or a bad thing, it's just something that I have noticed. It makes sense to do something like that if you're writing posters for a animated movie, but when it comes to companies valued higher than the GDP of some countries it loses all relatability. Let's be real, if this charade of a website was an actual startup, we'd probably wear t-shirts that say "This isn't a revolution. It's 33 of them." while we'd get articles written about our fun company culture, the Bob Dylan quotes graffiti'd on the wall, the meeting rooms named after each of the Jackson 5, and the pink neon in the entrance that says "Like a record, Baby.". Oh, and while I'm at it what is it with the period after each of those taglines? Normally I am not one to complain about proper punctuation but at this point it seems more like a thinly veiled attempt at recapturing some of that seriousness combined with an unwillingness to commit to the bit. Because they really want you to know that to them, it's not a joke. it's a statement.

On a slightly unrelated note, I made an app that helps you calibrate your turntable.

As easy as 1-2-3.

Do you remember the early days of the iPhone, where every once in a while a new app would come out and it would do just one completely new thing, and nothing else? There was so much excitement around finding new use cases and it was all "Oh yeah this is the app I use to pretend I'm shaving my face. And this is app I use to see where the ISS is". I can't remember the last time I genuinely got excited about some unitasker app like that and I think that's too bad. That's why Grooved tells you your turntable's speed in just one tap.



Pick a good song, and play it loud.



Fire up Grooved and start the analysis.



Adjust your turntable. Reapply as needed.

This is off the record, player.

Grooved does not collect any data, whatsoever. The audio stream is processed locally on your device and never recorded. I have no idea how you use the app, and to be honest I'm not sure what good knowing how well your record player runs would be for me anyways.

Grooved does not use any third party library or API, just the built-in components provided by Apple.

I severely dislike how most app landing pages are like "give us your phone number we'll text you a link to the app". How does that make sense? It's actively making me avoid your product, while making my life more difficult. Why not simply put a QR code that every iPhone can scan natively?

See? It works great!

Or, if you'd prefer you can continue to the App Store anyway.

Grooved for Android is currently in closed beta. I'm aiming to release it on the Play Store sometime in June.

If you'd like to be involved in testing, or to know when it is out, the best way is to follow me on Mastodon or on Twitter.